Tag Archives: happiness

I Want To Be Happy

​I want to be happy….

Sounds simple. Pretty basic. I mean, we all want to be happy. It is a universal thing. We all agree on it.  So was is it so hard? Why aren’t I? 

I have asked myself that question so many times and I am still nowhere close to a possible answer. My life isn’t bad. I am grateful for what I have. I am thankful for every person in my family even when they at their worst. I have no real struggle or issue. My parents don’t leave in distress and they never abandon me. I have friends that were pretty much made for me. I have a job that while it doesn’t pay well, it leaves me with a lot of free time and flexibility.

So what is it? 

Why aren’t I happy?

I decided to stop asking myself that question and try to find out what would make me happy.

Maybe I am shooting down people’s suggestion and ideas too early!  Maybe they have the answer!

Will being in a relationship being me happiness or will it just bring hassle and drama?

Will having more money make me relaxed or will my expenses increase as well, leaving me in this endless cycle of having barley enough?

Will developing my hobbies and talents give me a purpose or will it become a task that I have to do?

Will anything I do ever make me happy or will my mind and life find a way to sabotage any chances I get?

what I want

What I want,

I want silent looks across the room,

I want a conversation summarized in a nod,

I want companionship not company,

I want muffled laughs in the pillow so we won’t wake up the kids,

I want lazy patterns drawn on naked skin,

I want united fronts in the face of anyone who tries to question us,

I want shoulder kisses,

I want kuddles,

I want 11:00pm baking, and 6:00am coffee mugs in bed,

I want long lingering hugs,

I want a life measured in laughs,

I want cheek kisses,

I want banter,

I want fights that end with making out,

I want loud words but not hurtful,

I want back hugs while doing the dishes,

I want tender words whispered after a long day,

I want waking up to eager eyes,

I want matching wrinkles,

I want grey hair counting competitions,

I want movie night pop corn,

I want cold toes mixed with warm under blankets,

I want singing in the car,

I want a bond that can’t be broken by death,

I want a love that surpasses the grave,

I want what is unique, heartwarming, intense, consuming, tender and farfetched…

But I want it all the same.

Eternal Darkness?

All his life things have been changing,

His friends, dreams, and even preferences.

But some things have always stayed the same

No matter how much he tried to change them.

No matter how much he tried to fight them

They haunt him all the time

Never giving him any peace of mind;




His unchanging unwavering enemies.


His search for happiness

Has always been futile.

Eventually he had to wonder;

He has always known misery

Despite barely having any drama,

Or tales of loss and defeat.

His misery had no real cause or reason,

It is like it is embedded in his heart!

So would he even know when happiness knocks on his door?

Would he even know how to be happy?


How can he find out?

What can he do?

Is there anything to do?


Is he destined to be like this forever?

In a forest of nothing but darkness?

Can he dare to dream?

Can he dare to pursue?

Or should he stop fighting

And come to peace with the darkness?

Surrender himself to it?

Accept it for what it is?…

The only world he will ever know!



Happily Never After

They look at her
And think they have her all figured out,
She tells them love is nothing but a lie
And they think they know what it is all about.

They say she must have fallen pretty deep
Only to find out that it was never meant to be,
They think she must have lived a beautiful dream
Only to wake up to a nightmare,
Never realizing that they are not even close.

All her life she watched how innocent hearts gets broken,
How dream come crashing to the floor.
She saw how easily people lie,deceive
Pretend they are in love when it is all just a game
Never caring who gets hurt on the way.
She saw how they fall in and out of love everyday
Every time believing it is the real thing,
They’ve found their one and only
but after a while it is all just another memory.
She witnessed how love can crush a spirit
And break it into a million little pieces
Never to be whole again.

She promised never to give her heart to any,
To stay strong for eternity,
Never to give in to those trying to convince her
That love is real and it is why we are here.
But if that were real
It would never change, it would never die
or caused the break of an innocent heart,
It wouldn’t have been so hard to find.

How could it be that you can’t see
Love belongs to alternate realities
In Neverland and Kingdom Of Far Far Away,
In the myths of the Greek and Romans.
Love is an illusion,love is a lie,
Love is a happily never after.