Tag Archives: creative writing

Simple Desires chapter 6

You know that moment before the impact, that split second between oblivion and the shattering truth, like that instant in some hospital corridor when the doctor is heading down to tell the anxiously waiting family that piece of news that will slowly unravel the fabric of their existence, these tightly woven memories and constants that will soon change after the doctor pulls at the binding threads.

I’ve always been intrigued and drawn to examine such moments or what I call the ‘’the seconds before the impact”

To this day I still remember my first “seconds before the impact “and unwittingly I thought it would be my last.

It was 2 a.m and Chris hadn’t returned from god knows where , I had completed the evening with my mum so she wouldn’t get too worried and had found out that Chris had rushed out claiming he had an urgent work matter to deal with.

Had he noticed me?

Did he hear me as I came down the stairs?

I kept thinking about that awful scratching sound and the blood…….

what was bone chilling is that Chris didn’t seem to care about the mess,  and part of me felt he sought relief in that mess he reveled in the savagery he was inflicting on his skin

Was his other arm like that?

I sat on my bed unable to sleep until I knew he was home safe, I’d tried calling him but his cell was closed.

At 3 am I heard stumbling behind the wall adjacent to mine, I quickly headed out to the hall unlocking Chris’s door –we had each other’s keys in case of emergency- as I rushed through his disheveled apartment I didn’t have a moment to notice the waning signs.

Chris was never messy, in fact he was agonizingly immaculate bordering on OCD

This wasn’t normal

Something was disturbingly wrong

I headed quietly towards his bedroom bracing myself of what I might see…

“Chris”

He was balled up in the corner next to his dresser, his head was bowed and I could see he was shaking

“Chris” I called again not knowing what to do or how to begin to gather those shattered pieces bundled together in the corner

“Chris, sweetie can you hear me?”

I approached him silently afraid to make a sudden move, he looked like a wounded animal, and then I heard that blood freezing scratching sound again.

“Oh god “I covered my mouth, tears welling in my eyes as he continued to scratch the already raw flesh of his forearm completely oblivious to my body crouching in front of him.

His sleeves were no longer  clean , but instead stained with his own blood , and I got a feeling that Chris had two self-harming states , the controlled one he had at my mother’s house and this frantic unstable one he was having here in the comfort of his own apartment

I called his name again but he didn’t answer. I forced his chin up to see his face but he was so stiff and wooden

I tried again trying to seek comfort in his warm green eyes, but they were closed in a grimace, brows knitted and his mouth was slightly opened his breathing shallow.

I could smell the alcohol in his breath.

Chris never drinks.

I buried my face near his neck whispering comforting words coaxing him out of whatever hell he’s been trapped in.

“Chris sweetie please , you’re hurting yourself , please Chris don’t do this honey , Chris listen to my voice” I kept pleading with him through my tears ,my body was so pressed to him that we might as well been one .

I slowly reached my hand to his frantic one, touching his bloody fingers “Chris you’re breaking my heart Chris please, I’m so sorry I didn’t know, please forgive me”

His sense of urgency slowed down and I took the opportunity to grab at his hands holding them tightly, he tried to struggle resisting my touch but I was so determined to snap him out of it.

I pressed my face harder to his neck “it’s ok, you’re ok Chris, I got you, its ok I’m here I got you, you can stop now “ I kept chanting the words over and over until I felt him relax into me , I hadn’t noticed then of course but later I realized that it was the first time Chris had let me be that near to him or touch him

When I felt him completely relax, his muscles unwinding. I slowly took him by the hand urging him up, thankfully he complied.

I led him to his en suit bathroom and sat him at the edge of the tub, I grabbed the nearest towel and soaked it with water .all the time I made sure I was still holding his hand, I was so terrified to leave him alone for a minute fearing he would return to his self-harm.

I quickly reached for the antiseptic he had in his mirror cabinet, unsurprisingly I found a soothing balm that was also anti scarring.

I cleaned his wound , pressing gently at the raw skin , all that time Chris’s eyes were almost closed as if he was barely conscious to what was happening , I feared the antiseptic would sting but Chris hadn’t even flinched as if he was completely numb,. I applied the soothing balm and slowly wrapped his abused arm in gauze and cleaned the mess we made

My hands hesitated when it came to what I wanted to do next. I slowly reached his shirt unbuttoning it but Chris’s eyes suddenly shot wide in panic

What are you doing? His voice was terrified and shaky, his eyes glazed and unseeing

“Chris it’s ok sweetie, I’m just going to take off your shirt and get you a clean one “I said soothingly

Chris did not seem to comprehend my words his eyes were still wide, cold sweat erupted on his forehead

“Please don’t do this, please I won’t do anything please I’ll sit quietly I won’t fidget “Chris’s voice pleaded with me, his eyes filled with agony

My heart sank and shattered and bled

I realized Chris didn’t know it was me ……..Chris saw someone else in my place someone who had hurt him.

Someone who the mere action of moving caused him to terrify Chris to that extent.

“Chris baby it me, Ceels “I sobbed out

“Chris, its Cecilia you didn’t do anything wrong honey I just want you in a clean shirt “I ran my hands through his soft hair.

His mesmerizing green eyes focused on my face and a bewildered look replaced the terrifying one

“Ceels?”

“Yes it’s me Chris, I’m just going to remove this shirt ok “I kept my eye contact, as I slowly unbuttoned his bloody dress shirt.

Chris’s eyes stayed on me drinking me in as if he thought I wasn’t real, I slowly finished my task and tried to push the sleeves off his shoulders, but he stiffened

“Chris I’m just going to slip it off gently” I said soothingly, afraid he was confused again

But he wasn’t, I could see that at this moment he knew who I was but he was still afraid

I gently slid the sleeves off, shushing him and telling him he’s going to be fine, when my hands pushed at the sleeves removing them from his arms I gasped …….

I was wrong …..The moment I found him in his bedroom wasn’t my moment of impact…

This was.

 

Week 22 – The Phoenix

I can’t look away; my eyes are glued to the scene. I hate what’s happening but I can’t help but admire its beauty. How can you look away when the phoenix is about to burst into flames only to rise again from the ashes! Even as you hear its painful screams, you are hypnotized by that glorious scene that it becomes a siren’s song. You want to get close but you don’t want to risk disturbing the master piece in front of you.

So no, I can’t take my eyes off him and I am not even sure I want to. I have seen him strong and powerful. I have seen him kind and passionate. But this! This is something (of fantasy).

The foundation has been rocked, cracked, and now it is about to fall… I can see the lights dimming in his eyes. He is about to break, go back to the starting point to which he thought there was no return. He is losing himself. His mind is frozen from the shock.

I can’t take me away off him. I don’t want to miss it.

I have been in love with him for so long. I know him from the inside out and every time I knew a bit more, I fell for him a lot more?

To see him like this, broken, crying, is worse than ripping my own heart out.  How can something so painful, be so beautiful?!  why can’t I look away?!

I want to approach him, help him, be all that he needs me to be. But I know he doesn’t want me to. If he has to break, then he has rise again on his own. He doesn’t want any help, and he doesn’t need any. All he wants, is to feel my presence, my belief in him. For the only one who can rebuild him, is himself. Only he has the power. He is the phoenix, powerful no matter what. He will burst into flames and be born again, stronger than ever.

simple desires chapter 3

“hey Chris ”

“hey Ceels why are you calling  so early, is the wedding over?” Chris asked me in a tired voice

“Mm..m no, I escaped , just didn’t like the music ” I said trying to sound nonchalant and failing , I know Chris could read me like a book .

“Did any of those skinny mean girls as you like to call them at your sister’s wedding give you a hard time?

I didn’t answer

“Ceels come over ,we’ll watch a stupid show , eat some candy and you can tell me all about it ”

damn him and his perception into my soul

“Chris you can say bitches ,you’re a grown man ” I teased

“I know ,I just don’t like too”

“ooh look at you Mr. raised properly ” I said smiling

…..silence.

the same old iron gate of silence I ‘ve grown familiar too , I mention something about his childhood and he is silent as the dead

“Chris are you still there?”

“yes ..so are you coming over? ” Chris said quietly the smile from before absent from his voice.

“yeah sure,  I already spend way too much time at your apartment , you think I should give up my apartment next to yours “I said jokingly trying to lighten his mood from before

“are you kidding I practically live in your apartment ” Chris says laughing

“maybe we should tear down the connecting wall in our bedrooms and have a big fat giant loft “he mocks

“Ooohoo can we do that Chris pleeeeease ” I was whining like a child , I would almost do anything to make Chris laugh even suggesting being roommates  which I know  is a no way in hell situation for Chris.

when he first suggested I rent the apartment next to him I was shocked , I thought he was joking , I knew Chris was super private when it came to sharing living space , he always had his own space ever since I could remember , but he had explained that I was his best friend and that I was already looking for a place , and let me tell you I LOVED it, it was well-lit and had a lovely view of the city .

I had come here after I was offered a job in one of the psychiatric hospitals and it was my dream job ,Chris had done well for himself too , working as a lawyer in one of the top firms , all in all we had done well for ourselves and over the years Chris has become my closest friend and confident, I’d like to say that I was his but it wasn’t the same , Chris knew everything about me  and I mean everything even when I got my periods , I was the queen of over sharing and he was the complete opposite .

I knew I was special to him because he only offered me the apartment next door, although I knew john had been looking as well , but still he never revealed anything just some scraps about his young life, but I didn’t give up sometime I would say something that would trigger a stoic silent reaction from him, and sometimes he would deflect the hell out of a conversation

“Ceels where are you now ?” Chris’ question interrupted my thoughts.

“I’m coming up right now ” I answered distractedly.

“ok , see you”and he hung up.

seconds and he was opening his apartment door with a big smile on his face

“hey grumpy ” he greeted

“hey obnoxious” I returned

I plopped my self on one of his beige baby butt soft sofas as I like to tell him cause they are just ridiculously soft and fluffy .

“So you look …uh  I mean the dress is..”chris stammered trying bless his soul to identify the monstrosity I was wearing.

“like a giant cupcake ate a strawberry jam doughnut ” I finished

he threw his head back in a chuckle

ha Cecilia -1 broody-ness -0

he headed to his kitchen to make coffee still laughing

after a bit he handed me a mug of excellently brewed coffee , he even chose my favourite mug ..I mean his…. whatever , I inhaled the coffee and just closed my eyes savouring the moment, when I opened my eyes I found his green eyes looking at me with a soft smile on his face .

I felt my cheeks heat -damn it Cecilia pull it together , it’s just Chris sometimes gave me the mother of all intense looks and I didn’t know what to do with it , because that was it! there was no other indication that he thought of me that way , he even set me up with some of his lawyer friends but still when he gave me that look I couldn’t stop the heat from invading my face.

“so what happened?”he broke the silence

I proceeded to tell him about my stupid sister and her bitchy friends and my mum hounding me about getting married and my biological deadline and all those colorful jabs only moms and relatives know how to say.

after I finish I huff out an annoyed breathe “it’s just I don’t know how to please them Chris , and I can’t keep up with their deadlines for boyfriends , for husbands , for careers , for kids .

I fall silent feeling the water works begin to form and my lips trembling

“hey Ceels ,hey… look  at me “Chris says softly taking my hand.

“your mom is just worried and meddling , you know her , as for your sister , she’s just jealous cause you are friendly and kind and funny and people just love you instantly and she’s the opposite of that ”

I smile at his words and sincere eyes “thanks Chris you are the king of pep talks ”

“I know that’s why I’m an awesome lawyer” he says smugly

“hey Chris texas called and they say your ego is blocking the sun ” I mocked

he laughed and took our mugs to the sink to wash , I swear Chris’ OCD is just crazy , his apartment is always immaculate with all its whites and beige it looks out of a catalogue ,nothing is out-of-place.

“so why didn’t you hang out with the guys they said they were going to joes?”

“I’m still working on Robinson’s case and I needed to finish,  the closing session is in 3 days”

“you’ll be awesome and completely annihilate that human trafficking dick” I said confidently.

”I hope so Ceels I’m so close , I already have him cornered ” Chris said biting his lip

“you will and then we will celebrate and be awesome together ”

“besides john keeps setting me up on blind dates” he said annoyed

“ooh ” I pretended to find the cream carpet interesting.

“it’s getting on my nerves honestly I feel ambushed “Chris says running his hands through his soft hair

“maybe you’ll like one of them ?”

“don’t be ridiculous Ceels ,you know me I don’t do that ” he says firmly

“why not ?” I push

“because …it’s not for me …and I don’t want to , besides I’m too busy”

ah yes, same old excuses .

“you don’t seem busy now listening to my problems or the other gazillion times I came to you to rant ”

“it’s different we’re best friends “he answered through his teeth

“well a relationship is like that but you get to be intimate with this person too” I continued to push knowing I was getting to him and crossing his invisible lines .

I was now standing in front of him ,and I could feel the shudder run through his body from my words

“stop it Ceels “he said warningly looking me straight in the eye

“why ?

“Ceels”

“Why is it not for you , you hug me , you hold my hands sometimes ,why can’t you have that with someone you’re in love with ” I countered stubbornly

“It’s not the same “now he’s looking anywhere but at me

“why? “I sound like a broken record

“why don’t you find someone ? “he shoots defensively

I stare back, seeing the panic in his eyes , he’s deflecting as usual , I’ve learned all of Chris’ tricks by now, this attack doesn’t phase me

“well ,cause I haven’t found my person yet”

-yes you have Cecilia (shut  up brain )

he turns his back to me pretending to wipe the clinically clean counter top and I can feel how tense his shoulders are , I know this reaction he’s giving me the do not approach signals.

so naturally I do the opposite

I put my  hands on his shoulders and he flinches a whole foot away from me his eyes darting around for an exit.

my heart twists ,its time to back off.

“hey Chris it’s ok , I was just upset from my sisters and you’re stressed ,I’m sorry ok  calm down “I said soothingly giving him an out

he nods silently avoiding my eyes but I can still see how tense he is

“umm I have to finish my closing argument , so ..” he says quietly

“it’s ok I’m beat , I need to change this awful dress and take a long bubble bath “I said dismissively backing away from him ,gathering my shoes and pouffy clutch – stupid sister-  and heading for the door

“Ceels ” he calls ,and I can hear the desperation in his voice

“yeah Chris ” I look from the door

um… tomorrow i’ll bring you cupcakes from the coffee shop you love near my work ” he says

and then silence with exchanged looks.

both of us burst laughing until I’m supporting my body by his front door

“I’m gonna get you for this Chris , one day you will look like shit and I will have my sweet revenge”

“don’t think so muffin ” he answers smugly

“shut it grumpy” I said heading to my door

” but I expect cupcakes tomorrow non the less”I shouted over my shoulders

he’s standing at his door smiling while looking at me waiting for me to get in ,and its like he’s a different person from before .

I smile back and close the door .

my smile falls once I’m inside , I prepare my bath silently and once Im in my tub , I finally allow my tears to flow

this is not the first time nor will it be the last time I tried with Chris and failed to reach through ,and it’s not the first time I’m crying over him either .

Deadline

the-melting-watch

Deadline to succeed

Deadline to get there

Deadline to make it

Deadline to break down

Deadline to love

Deadline to live

Deadline to breath

Deadline to let go

Deadline to laugh

Deadline to cry

Deadline to try in order to be let down

Deadline to wake up

Deadline to rest

Make up your mind

Quickly now there’s not time

We have to meet the deadline

Briskly walk ,talk, hug and kiss

Deadline to think

Could I be saved

Untamed, let loose

Chase and fumble

Carefree with no deadlins to chain me

As I write, I note

There goes another deadline I meet

Week 9 – I Am Life

I am a woman

Why do I have to make sacrifices?
Why is it my job to take care of every one
And then made to feel guilty or weak when wanting the same?
Why am I selfish when I ask for alone time?
Why am I not allowed the luxury of a breakdown
When all this burden becomes too much?

Why is my identity so irrelevant and disposable?
Why do I have to choose between having a family
And keeping my identity?
Why do I have to abandon my career
To raise my future kids?
Why do I have to erase who I am and become only a mum?
Why can’t men do the same?
They won’t be my kids alone,
We will make them together!

Why are only men allowed to be egotistical and act like gods ?
And yet I am vain if I ever acknowledge my beauty or intelligence!

Species go extinct when the number of females goes down
But only one man is enough to ensure its existence

Men might rule the earth,
But we are the reason it still exists.
We are the reason it will continue to exist.
You are the one who is replaceable,  not me.

Ramadan in my eyes

As a muslim the month of Ramadan which is in our lunar Arabian Calender holds a special place in the heart of all muslims , now for those who are not familiar with it,  it’s a month which starts with the viewing of the moon in order to determine the end of the month of Shaaban and the start of Ramadan , in spite that now science has made it pretty easy to calculate moon cycles and although we do actually have the start date of Ramadan on our calendars , yet people still follow the tradition .moon1_thumb

In my country the viewing is usually done by the astronomy institute followed after with a celebration and announcement of the beginning of Ramadan , people actually wait until its broadcasted to start calling their relatives and friends to congratulate them by saying “have a generous ramadan”or -ramadan Kareem in arabic and thus social media bursts with well wishes and tags into numerous pictures of lanterns and islamic decorations .

Non muslims sometimes ask me how do you do it? how do you not eat or drink from dawn till sunset? and I always tell them it’s a joy to do so, don’t get  me wrong it’s pretty exhausting especially the first couple of days but then you get used to it , it’s a joy like I said earlier cause of the sense of achievement you get with the first sip of water you drink to break you fasting or the first date you eat whether it’s handed to you by a family member or people in the street if you happen to be there .

Aside from the significance of the month in my religion , I love how it’s a chance to truly examine your heart and to question your place in life , although you can do this any time , for me Ramadan provides me with the tranquility and relaxation to do so , it also enhances self discipline ,the very nature of fasting is a very sincere practise because it shows your commitment , after all you can eat or drink in the confines of your home and nobody would know and yet people don’t do it .

what I love the most about this month are the traditions that come with the holiday , lanterns light the balconies along with bee lights and like any holiday you have the overzealous decorators that make you feel that their house has turned into a big ball of fire , parents rush to toy stores to buy themed lanterns that usually have a beloved cartoon character on it for their kids ,spices and nuts are bought buy the kilo , essential groceries are arranged and boxed so people can  buy them and give them away to people in need as a way of helping them through the month , teens and kids volunteers wait in front of mosques with foam plates so if anyone has leftover food from the numerous family gatherings that happen this month  can donate it to whomever needs it.Ramadan-Fanoos-2

I love how if you happen to be in the streets by sunset you’ll find families in their cars distributing meals to taxi drivers ,doorman and traffic police .eventsstyle.com_44002

I love the songs that I’ve been hearing since I was a child and that play non stop in supermarkets a couple of days before Ramadan  ,I love how you can see gradually the balconies lighting up after sunset as people shuffle to turn them on everyday . I love how I can hear the prayers from my house from a nearby mosque and can see the minaret that’s decorated in the distance , it gives me peace and fills me with joy to witness all this ,so whether you are a believer or not I hope you have a holiday or tradition that fills your heart with the warm and fuzzies like Ramadan does for me.cvbn

Week Eight – Giving In To The Whispers part 3

She was walking in the hallway when she “felt” it. Something inside her was drawing her towards it. She went to grab a chair, got on it, and moved her fingers over it; there it was, the only evidence, the dent that her little… she couldn’t think of the word to describe it; little “mishap” maybe, has done.

Continue reading Week Eight – Giving In To The Whispers part 3

Simple Desires chapter 2

Times Chris let me in –

I chose psychology as a major in college . I couldn’t tell you a definite reason , maybe I wanted to help people or figure out myself and the people around me, but if I was being  honest with myself , it was because I wanted to help  Chris .

I even wanted to help him more when he seemed to never question my choice in studies,  purposely choosing to ignore the topic . even later on when I had taken a job as a social worker he never asked me about my cases he seemed to avoid it to all cost ,whenever one of the guys would ask me something about my work he would always busy himself with something and it frustrated the hell out of me .

Chris guarded his secrets like it was his source of life and to be honest it hurt me that he couldn’t trust me the way I trusted him , I told Chris everything , we were after all best friends and later on neighbors ,but sometimes some of those secrets spilled from that tightly clutched hands of his and I got to glimpse some of them before they slipt into the cracks and disappeared never to be revealed again, I think since the day I met Chris I always subconsciously wanted to help him, he was always there in the back of my mind .

I knew something unspeakable and horrible had happened to him I didn’t linger too much at what it might be because my heart hurt when I thought about it but there were always signs hinting to what might or probably did happen to him.

Chris always made himself smaller in crowds he also flinched from sudden movements always eyeing the exits , I didn’t quite pay attention to it until one time the guys were fooling around explaining a prank on one of the freshmen and john (the prankster of our group) had reached out to grab Chris for a demonstration ,it all happened in seconds , I could see the utter horror and panic  that swept through Chris’s eyes , and I suddenly reacted by standing from the armchair I had curled in for the evening spontaneously yelling “burritos and ice-cream”

the four guys looked at me in surprise including Chris who seemed to snap out of whichever nightmare he was trapped in “Ceecee are you alright in the head” John asked mockingly

“yup very much but my stomach is craving burritos and ice-cream and it’s the last day of our exams and I would really like to stuff my face with junk food , now who’s in? ”

I finish my ramble with that question hoping to distract the attention from Chris and all the time I could feel his eyes on me and I was very aware of my tomato red face by then.

“who would say no to that”  Tom finally answered my ramblings like my question was so absurd , I smiled in victory, I could always count on Tom’s appetite and eagerness to indulge in the unhealthiest of junk food.

“then lets roll ” Sam (ever the flirt) said smiling at me waving his hands while bowing “our princess has ordered and we must obey”

I waved grandly at them not being able to hold a straight face ” go my knights in peace may you be victorious in slaying the burrito truck”

throughout the exchange Chris was completely silent but his eyes were on me the whole time I glanced at him and saw that he was now behind the living room sofa using it as some kind of shield but his eyes …his forrest green eyes were  stormy ,hesitant, careful ,and guarded like he had somehow revealed something that he shouldn’t and he was afraid of the consequences , but I just nodded at him and gave him a soft smile that he didn’t return , my guess was that he was still shaken up about the almost grab thing

“go in peace my ass” John interrupted my train of thoughts “you might be the princess but you’re driving the chariot since you’re the one with the car ”

“Fine” I huffed  pretending to be annoyed “but Chris will clean up the apartment while we buy the food I swear there’s a dead racoon under the that flea infested sofa of yours ” good thinking Ceecee give him time to regroup he needs to catch his breath and recompose himself .

true to my thoughts Chris let out a sigh  and nodded in approval.

“then it’s set ” I said with a grin and the three of us headed out leaving Chris to fetch some books from a classmate he said he needed and head to the apartment John ,Tom ,Sam and I shared .

later that night when I offered to pay for my share in the food John said that Chris had already paid for me cause he owed me some money ,needless to say I owed him nothing , it was just chris’s way of saying thank you and I accepted it as it was,  he had acknowledged what happened and allowed me in even if it was just a little and I vowed to keep trying until I could fracture or even chip that big wall he had around himself .

It was a start.

I do not care

So the thing is …I do not care

You look and  pressure with you glare, insisting on what you deem as right

As I search into the intricates of my soul, I find that I truly ..do not care

Now now do not huff and puff, quite simply put

in cliché words and lame terms…

It’s not you it’s me!

I do not care, I used to though

oh how I used to fuss and fret, arrange and change or even reinvent  to squeeze and fold and trim myself to fit your cracked up mold.

I see you glaring tutting and staring, scolding me into your cold little box.

OK….umm  maybe I’ve babbled forgive me sometimes I tread off tracks

But just in case I wasn’t clear

Fuck you, I don’t give a shit!

Simple desires

I observe him while they’re all talking, I’m sure someone said something about his looks because he does this head tilt breathy chuckle that he does when someone says something nice about him.like it’s the most absurd thing he’s heard, like the mere thought of him being good looking is out of this world. To be honest he is the most handsome of all the boys in our group, although it’s not the -in your face notice how good looking I am handsome- but the quiet unassuming handsome, that sticks with you long after you’ve gone home, remembering how his smile showed his dimples,or how his bright green eyes sparkled with amusement when he was in on a joke or a prank.

Most of us stopped complementing his looks along time ago . In the beginning when I first met him in highschool, I was bewildered by his reaction, but with time it was an unspoken rule amongst our group, focusing on Chris made him uncomfortable.

Actually there were a lot of unspoken rules in our group when it came to Chris ,don’t ask him about his childhood, don’t ask him why he never dates, don’t ask him to stay over, and if you want him to warm up to you and be your friend, never ask him why he always wears long sleeves even on the hottest of days.

The thing is we almost never broke these rules, you see being friends with Chris was a privilege that only a select few were allowed to experience, and I am proud to count myself as one of them,sure he was nice and friendly with all of us, but I noticed that he always had his guard up all the time, except some treasured moments when he would completely relax and tell me something about himself that only I was allowed to known, and I lived for these moments when he would stretch on the arm chair next to me and hum a tune that he would later say was from his days at the home.

I knew he was in the system, I just didn’t know anything else except the scrapes and pieces that he chose to give me about the kindest most loyal man I’ve ever met,but if I knew anything about myself it was that I was patient and I would wait no matter how long it took.

What do you think should I continue?