Week 10 – Alone in the Crowd

She hides in th corner
With the crowd of familiar faces
Feeling so distant and isolated

They are the ones she loves,
Who help her survive
But she looks at them and can’t help but think
If they got inside her mind
They would look upon her with disdain.

How can anyone love someone so empty
And yet messed up?!
How can anyone one love someone
Who can’t even decide what they want?
She wants to be alone but not lonely.
She wants to be visible but not seen.
She wants to be heard but not to speak.
She wants to belong, be part of the crowd
But she is too scared to leave the side lines.

So, she just sits with them
An empty silent spectator.
She sits with them
Envious of their apparent ease.
They are enjoying the company of each other
Without her fight or flight dilemma .
They are conversing
Without her fear of words.
They are present
Mind, soul, and heart.

People sometimes think she is shallow,  empty minded
They don’t know the battle inside her mind and heart.
“Just smile and wave ” became her motto
“let’s not say more than we have to”
Words are her enemies
Her feelings are her punishment
And her mind is her prison.

She lives to battle another day.
She lives and hopes to survive another fear.

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