She was walking in the hallway when she “felt” it. Something inside her was drawing her towards it. She went to grab a chair, got on it, and moved her fingers over it; there it was, the only evidence, the dent that her little… she couldn’t think of the word to describe it; little “mishap” maybe, has done.
Still, nothing was all she felt. Even the little voice that used to be scared of her thoughts and actions seemed to have disappeared. She wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.
She left the scene of the crime and went to get something to drink. That was when she saw the knife. It was just like in the movies; the reflection of the light on the blade, the sound of the sharp knife. It was too tempting. She didn’t even think about it, she just grabbed it and slit her finger. It felt like an orgasm that had been taking too long. As she watched the blood coming out, she started to relax. Every drop was filled with the impurity that was in her; her anger, bitterness, and everything dark in her. She started to relax, breathe, and finally exist. Her mind was finally quiet and clear.
She sat on the floor and thought about her life; she has been fighting it for so long that it has drained her. She was at war with everything inside of her mind. She couldn’t accept her own thoughts. She made people make her feel guilty.
As she was watching the blood and pinching the wound to release more, the decision came to her.
No more fighting.
No more guilt.
No more allowing people to try to change me.
No more people.
In the beginning she was a character in a painting where she didn’t belong. Now she will take the brush and paint herself right. She will fade into the background, no more noticeable by people. She will make them forget who she is. She will become a dust in the crowd.
Let them live the way they want.
Let them live away from me.
We don’t need to fake it or try to adapt to each other.
I am no longer here.
I am a dust in the crowd.
I am free of your pointless life.
I am just a whisper in the dark